Filipino

I am not privileged enough to take vacations abroad. The only place I have gone to outside of this country is Singapore (oh and Malaysia, since we could already take the bus from Singapore). So I take in all that I can when I am given the chance to see other parts of the Philippines. Even where I am assigned now (my work), each day I see something,; a woven cloth, a brick, a cobblestone, part of a roof, ruins, I say, 'wow'. I work in Vigan, this heritage city where one can be transported in time, way back when being Filipino meant being dark-skinned, riding calesas, wearing the baro't saya, handwoven baskets perched on top of black, curly locks, replaced by intricately crocheted headpieces when going to massive churches built by the Spaniards. 

I have always been an 'old Filipino soul'. I have this thing for the old Filipino; houses with wide capiz windows where one can actually sit to get a view of the cobblestone streets, rocking chairs made of old wood, the scent of varnish from antique cabinets of beautiful craftsmanship, even my image from the version of a mirror in those times. Of course, I have the 'new Filipino soul', too. I jump at the view of the sea, and the sunsets, I always look forward to at the end of each day. I am awestruck at the sight of fishing boats by the shore, readied for its journey at the wee hours of each morning, and make me wonder how the fisherfolks feel. They are so fortunate to have the privilege of witnessing the ebb and flow of seawater to the shores and back, to have their skin sun-kissed at sunrise. I can even smell the saltwater as I write this, that wisp of air that melds with the scent of leaves on trees around. 

I walked along trails of the northern mountain ranges and have been blessed to see the majestic highlands. Lush, green terraces playfully surrounded by clouds I seem able to reach if I stretch my arms long enough, with the sun above all them imposing its glory. I have poured water over my head from the islands of the south, where pearls abound. I wear pearls almost always, as if subconciously flaunting the elegence of the Filipino. I unintentionally wear clothes which styles are representative of tribes, even if I am ignorant of what tribes exactly. I simply know they are Filipino. 

I take pride in all that is Filipino. I scream and shout my lungs out for Manny Pacquiao each fight. I feel tears well up when I watch Filipinos make their way past auditions of reality talent shows abroad. I stand proud with each athlete, singer, dancer, any artist,  who manages to get us a medal or two in international competitions. I go to local trade fairs, just to feast my eyes on the products made from the hands of Filipinos. I place my hand over my heart when I sing the Philippine National Anthem, even when I am in a last full show in a movie theater and other movie goers peer at me from the darkness curiously. I engage in word war with any foreigner who is critical of who we are as a people, even when they only mean well. Like the legions of fans who worship Beyonce, I will perhaps be the same tacky, dense, 'matrona' member of a cult called Filipinos, if I may say so.

I love this country. It is one that has been occupied, taken advantage of, plundered, raped, devastated. But it has risen from one fall after another, and it continues to endure, in adversity this nation stands as one. It heals its wounds day after day with the faith taught us but I dare say do not blindly follow any longer as we have proven time and again that there is a God, in whatever name we call the One. We have fought well for the freedom we enjoy, even if history books fail to point out that we did so not in the most romantic fashion. I feed my soul with the old richness of this country, of the almost funny adaption of its people of what is 'new', of its freedom up until now is of another league than genuine, of its people who are so colorful in their mix that I sometimes am confused, too, from whose lineage I belong. But no matter. I am Filipino, cheesy as this may sound, proud to be one.  And kick me out of this country all you want? I am not leaving.