IngliseraKuno

Beyond the pomp and pagaentry are 80 or so women who have stories of their own. As those whom are victims of one political agenda, or another. We who watched the Miss Universe 2016 did not forget, nor were we distracted by the ills we have in this country. In fact the three women who stood as finalists stood for what there is in the world out there, and what is just and should be,  from their perpspectives. We listened, admired and importantly, respected their views. The cynics who feel that we were distracted for three hours from the daunting stories we hear each day, perhaps assumed that we all have become numb to all the 'wrongs'. That is false intellectualism, condescending, insulting and most of all, self-righteous of them. Goodness, just because we watched for three hours does not mean we lost touch with our realities. Perhaps, these cynics are the ones who have. #eyesrollingoutloud #ohplease #missuniverse2016

She had this yellow flower on top of her head, held back by a yellow band. The flower was cradled by a lock of thin hair. She was held my her mom, facing us while sitting on a pew in church. She looked up the lights hanging from the high ceiling, twinkling like stars, perhaps her innocent mind thought so. She delighted at the sight of them, jumped up and down, her babyspeak can be barely heard with the loud blare of the electric guitar and banging of the drums, the choir singing, 'Morning Has Broken'. I could not help smiling at the sight of her, and motioned to my daughter seated to my left. Ana understood, and she, too, smiled and let out a tiny giggle, looking at the yellow-flower-headbanded bundle of joy. I was caught between listening to the eight beatitudes in the Gospel today and thinking, 'I want to carry the cute baby.' While I was torn, the cutesy reached out to her great grandmother to her right, with her small hands clumsily touching her Lola's  face. He...

He confessed to me several years after my eldest Ana was born that when he first saw me when he reported for work at the DAR, he was hoping I was not married yet. I remember that day clearly. I was at my desk swamped with work, we exchanged smiles. His face was familiar, and I placed him to be from college, in Baguio. I stood, and my second-trimester-bulging-belly faced him. He told me he was deeply disappointed to have seen me already pregnant. That was 'our story', which he repeatedly told everyone who listened. We all laughed about that each time, even when he told it about a dozen times already. Fast forward to my assignment in the province far north, and we barely had a decent conversation. Our lives in between that day we smiled, and today, just passed. When he had his one among many of attacks, I went to see him in the hospital from my travel far north, headed home to La Union. He was in his hospital gown, in bed, watching tv, his little daughter playing about. He looked...

Last night, teeny-weeny something landed on my left knee, raised as my ipad was resting on it. Of course I yelled, 'Neeellllleeee!!!!', and she woke up from her snoring to check on me. I told her, 'may butiki! as in nahulog sa tuhod ko!'. So she stood up and checked where the hell the lizard went. We took out all pillows, blankets, shook them. It was nowhere in sight. So we went back to sleep, with the lights on this time. After a few minutes, there he was: it was not a lizard, it was a descendant of Stuart Little or Stuart Little himself, for all I know. He was by the curtain rod, jumping up and down the wall meets the ceiling, hoping to get through. Again, I yelled, 'Neeeelllllleee', this time she jumped off the bed and said: 'get out of the room'. She went to get the broom and the dustpan, in the hope that she can 'catch' it without hurting it. She did not. I was watching from the door, clutching my ipad (still) and down came Stuart with one s...

The plan was only to have an intimate family dinner for my 50th, which we usually do on any birthday celebration among us. Almost all are at Mommy Lu's, this simple, rustic little restaurant near our place in La Union, owned by a friend of the family,  which serves really good food. You can never go wrong with Mommy Lu's. Since my actual birthday fell on a weekday this year, we decided to schedule it on  weekend before the date. Which we did, and had a lovely dinner and a great evening.  Aside from the  expenses I imagined it to be if I mounted a celebration, I was lost as to where I was to hold it. I was born in Manila, raised there, went to college in Baguio City, spent teenage years in Caba, La Union, started a family in San Fernando, La Union, worked there for the longest time, assigned in Ilocos Norte for six years, then in Ilocos Sur for the past three. The decision came to me to celebrate it when I realized I have reached the age when my mother passed, and als...

When Christmas is in the air, it seems like January is a long way off. Planning for the 50th started during that time, but were finalized only days before the actual celebration. I knew what I wanted: a meal with family first, and the thanksgiving for friends. Despite my over enthusiam to write everything and post on social media, I do value a bit of privacy, really.  The sister, Beks, is an event planner, together with her closest friend Lanie. So I thought, 'let her do everything'. It was easier to have thought that. The 'boss' in me dipped fingers in an already laid-out plan by her and was hit back with: 'Christianne, you produced this, you are in the starring role, do not be directing it, for once!'. In our dialect, Beks put it bluntly: 'Apay, haan ka man makibibiyang!?'. How could I not back off? Beks pulled it off. Fabulously. Of all the events she handled, this, by far, was the best. I am her sister after all. But truth be told, she and her team w...

Honey Leoning came up to the veranda this morning while I was on my second stick, and my coffee. While walking towards me, she was singing the 'Happy Birthday' song to me, like a child, with her hands clapping. The tears started to fall from my eyes, swollen as it was already because of waking up too early. That was the first set of those damn droplets of liquid (I don't know how to properly say 'tears') which I promised myself I will not entertain on my birthday. But there she was, this 86-year-old woman who welcomed me into her home, her family, in Vigan. I felt so blessed and thankful at that moment, I could not help but hug her and say 'thank you' for all that she is in my life. I was thrown a mini-party at the office later in the afternoon, put together by my colleagues in DAR Ilocos Sur. Food was plenty, they had cupcakes laid out with letters which greeted me on my 50th, in my full name. Imagine how many cupcakes that took. The makeshift stage was dec...

Recently I have made crucial decisions in my life, some with great difficulty, entailing 'swallowing my pride'; others were made way too late but had to be made. I wished for myself only one thing: peace of mind. Not that I did not want my mind to work any longer, goodness, I have too much on my hands I need to 'move it, move it'. But I would love to have nights of sleep which are not chemically-induced. The decisions I made gave me that. It is  easier now, to recognize all the stupidity I drowned in disguised as joy. Papa was right: in the end, whatever path you choose, wayward or not, it will bring you back to family.  I am blessed to have families, not just one. And those who I claim to be one of theirs, even those I have barely spoken to for years, I invited. Yes, the ones who valued me and accepted me, travelled all the way to Ilocos Sur, and once again showed me as Ayo wrote on her greetings: 'you are worth more than you think.'

The first few weeks of January were off for me. It started with a stressful conference, then a period of hearing a mouthful from someone who did not even know the facts before lashing out. Still, I looked forward to my birthday. I had a lot planned, and I was excited to get it on the ground. But before all that, for the first time in my life, I walked out of a meeting. I simply could no longer hold together the emotions which I kept in for days; of frustration, of defeat, of anger.  So now that all is said and done, I feel like I lived out stories worth a lifetime. Reeling from disappointment, this feeling of inadequacy, I celebrated my 49th the worst way: I  sulked. I had dinner with my family and genuinely laughed, though. In the days that followed, I received warm greetings, flowers, had dinner with  friends, posed for a thousand photos. I was appreciative of all the efforts my colleagues and friends exerted to make my birthday meaningful. Yet, I was not really ecstati...

This Cebu National Conference for DAR officials, the first under the PRD administration, prompted to me to look at matters with less jaded eyes. The past six months gave us all the time off to wait it out and see how this new administration will treat agrarian reform. Whether it is a priority or not, we all expect that recognition be at least given to what has been done after more than two decades, and what the future holds for a program supposedly to be the core of an economy like ours, largely based on agriculture.  I do not want to sound technical, really, because that is not who I am in this business of serving people. I am simply one who was destined to be in public service, and when I say, I serve my farmers, which is what I am supposed to do, I do that. Not coming from any theoretical framework of some kind. The past two decades or so that I have been in this business, I have always used heart above mind. That gave me enough trouble more than I could handle, but I survived. ...

Had a real good time with the boys tonight. We have been planning to do this for quite some time, but the boys have always been 'busy' with other stuff (😜). We wanted House of Cebu lechon for dinner, so we walked, huffed and puffed, struggled with our rides, stood in a queue for a cab, the lawyers Robert and Roland tried to hire a jeepney to take us to the Ayala Mall, and failed. We stumbled upon a colleague while on queue for a cab, he offered that we ride with him, so we split into three groups. Traffic in Cebu is terrible, so we got to the mall after a too long cab ride. Called Romy to ask if they were already in a cab behind us, nope, but Maan and PARAD Fatty Yadao were able to force an Indian guy to share a cab ride.  James Arsenio Ponce laughed our way in the cab with our colleague, got to the mall first, waited, walked around. We finally sat down for dinner at the food court, had lechon, shells and seaweeds, soda. Nothing fancy. Our voices were raised more than usual in...

And so I did ten parts of 'Because I Am Nearing Fifty', instead of the planned one set of fifty random things from the brain of an extremely confusing, fifty-year-old, overweight woman. I remained true to my four-word tagline on my Twitter account: 'I say too much'. That would be now more than a hundred random thoughts, and I tell you, there are more where those came from. On the 18th, it is going to be my 'second twenty-fifth' birthday, as my friend Herman wrote in his wishes for me. I will insist, indulge me please, that you read this post because it matters to me so.  I say thank you, my God, for the privilege you have bestowed upon me by bringing me into this world, to a family of amazing people.  Thank you to my departed Papa and Mama, who both raised me all too well, as if preparing me for my interesting journey; To my late Lolo Panieng, who inspire me every single day with his spirit;  To my Uncle Paul who showed me what kindness, generosity and compassio...

1. I am a fan of Filipino craftsmanship. I appreciate native products. 'Kultura' is a shop where I step into and you will have to drag me out of.  2. I have always wanted to have a real tattoo but I did not have the courage to endure the pain people tell me about when they had theirs. I wanted it done on my left ankle, with the letter 'A'. Plus I did not want to 'disable' myself from donating blood. I am a staunch supporter of the Philippine Red Cross. 3. I want to watch Lea Salonga perform live, more than Bamboo, really. 4. I heard this said in one of the tv shows we watch at home: 'Friendship multiplies the joy in life, and divides the evil.' So true. 5. I do not sugarcoat, and I say even the hurtful things, but I choose my words carefully. I feel that I need to, not only for my peace but to strengthen a relationship. I do not know if 'choosing my words carefully' is counted as 'lying'.  6. I am an extremely loyal friend, but I can be a...

'I have learned that forgiveness comes with a cost. When you learn to finally forgive yourself, and others, there will always be someone who is skeptical, bitter about it all. I wish that they who only have bodies and not souls, realize how much courage it takes to forgive oneself, and strength to forgive those who cut wounds so deep. I pray, too, that this journey not be laden with self-righteousness and anger but rather welcomed with warmth, and hope and faith.'  - xt@50

1. I usually eat with my hands when I am at home. So now you can understand why I am 25 kilos overweight, and counting. 2. I was invited to eat out one time in an exclusive restaurant, you know the kind where a waiter quietly stands by your table and attends only to you. I did not know what to order from the menu, so I chose something which had some kind of 'egg' with it. Out came the food, served looking like it was worth a million bucks. I looked down on my plate to see three or four pieces of quail eggs in some sauce. I told my host, 'oh, ok. it's the sushal form of tokneneng.' My host rolled his eyes and told me in Ilocano, 'apay, Christianne, mangan ka laeng kuman?'. So I shut up.  3.  I had, in my 50 years of existence, two shouting bouts over phone, with one big boss, and one subordinate. As in we were yelling. Oh yes, I lost my cool with a boss.  4. I regret having done that in both instances. I feel cheap, now that I think about it.  5. I got caught...

1. I value friendships. Over and above money or whatever.   2. I would like to think I always have good intentions, but I have faltered several times in my life which cost me relationships. That, I regret the most. 3. It took years to acknowledge the fact that I am not a superhero. I cannot solve all the problems of the world.    4. I recently discovered that I have been played by people I consider my friends. And I am crushed.  5. I gained weight over three years not because of the  fractures in my toes, which I used as an excuse to sit and eat my way to 25 kilos. I simply abhor exercise. And that must change, for my health, not for the way I look. (Which is now nearing a blob.) 6. The most insensitive remarks I heard about my weight:         *When I told someone I was feeling cold, the reply was: 'Di ba dapat hindi ka giniginaw kasi madami kang blubbers? Parang yung mga penguin?'         *A friend of mine told ...

1. I started to watch the series 'Suits' and 'How To Get Way With Murder' both of which the daughter recommended. Both are in season breaks now. So I miss Harvey Spectre. I dread to watch the succeeding episodes of 'How To Get Away With Murder' because they killed the character of Wes in the series, and I loved Wes.  2. I worship the scripwriters of 'The West Wing'.    3.  The best movies I ever saw were: 'Heneral Luna'; 'Tadhana'; 'Tanging Yaman'; 'Sa Yo Lamang'; The Mistress'; 'In Pursuit Of Happyness'; 'Stepmom'; 'In Time'; 'Whiplash' and 'The Judge'.   4. I started to read books early on: went through the phases of Nancy Drew, Mills and Boon, Sidney Sheldon, John Grisham and Nelson DeMille. I stopped reading actual books after discovering how to work my tablet. But there is none compared to reading 'real' books, that smell of the ink and paper. I attempted to read ...

Let me say this: only a few have the patience to read through my long posts, so thank you all who read Part One. And as my co-Mommy Alethea Cedo noted, yes, there is more to write, so here goes. 50 Random Things About Me 1. I know that some people are scared of me. A friend told me, 'Ma'am, sino ba ang hindi takot sa atin?'.   2. I say too much most of the time. But, there are rare ocasssions when I fold and not feel like saying anything at all. Really, not a word. I would just stare stoic at you.    3. I am way too trusting. Worse, I never learn.    4. I like giving my things away. Even if I still want them. And I love that others like what I give them.    5. I shop on-line. It's a disease, I think. Or because I don't like walking in malls. Actually, I don't like walking, period.   6. I go to church to visit most of the time. I hear full mass only with my family.   7. I am most often, misunderstood.   8. I have tantrums. Yes. At 49...

Because I am nearing 50. (Part One)  50 Things About Me That You All Probably Know But I Will Write Just The Same Just To Make Fun Of Myself (Get this: 'things', not personalities. 50 personalities would seriously be a psycho disorder.) 1. I am an introvert, or so says a psych metric, MBTI. Or I probably was dishonest in answering the exam questions. A friend says, yes, that is me. I told him, 'ok, I will have to think about that'. He replied, 'see? skeptical.' I guess introversion is not gleaned from one's persona.  2. I like time being alone more than time with others. Especially when it is an effort to put on a fake smile and do 'small talk'. When I talk, or converse with someone, I know I am enjoying the conversation when I start speaking in English, or  Ilocano. When I do Tagalog in conversations, that is not me. I am pretending.  3. I smoke. Obviously. But I should have quit a long time ago.   4.  I will die without airconditioning.    5. ...