What I Learned In 2015

Like every year, 2015 was a year of mistakes, of learning lessons, of rising above all these and, finding my peace. Hindsight, from then, towards now, the depth at which these are presented to me seem be further and further down my soul. Perhaps the older I become, the more sensitive. Or maybe it is menopause, or I am simply wired this way. Nonetheless, it comes to me clearly now, I learned the most from my children. 

I look at them both, and I am so grateful they did not become like me. And I say that not to put myself down. I am a very complicated person, only a few do get me. My kids are complicated people, too, but the type which is tempered with the kindness of heart, from which understanding and calm springs. Better than my complexities. I am only able to understand the world, I think, because of the wisdom I gathered from the world itself through the years. 

At a young age, my kids went through stuff which they were not supposed to, mainly because their parents' doing (I referred to us as a third party to veer away from the self-flagellation). Yet they are balanced kids, not quite normal. Ana cackles like a witch and Aidan negates everything I say just to annoy me, for example. Ana interviews her applicants (she is with the human resources/recruitment of a private firm) with questions like: 'If you were a box of cereals, what would you do and how?'. Aidan does not like it when you fix his stuff, even when his study table looks like a grenade just fell on it. Ana drives and eats like a truck driver, and Aidan would rather walk than ride a car. But the best they both have is the ability to look at the good in all things and be grateful for what is. Not that they are happy with all, but they choose to be happy. I realize this is not easy for them. They would rather, however, opt to be the voices of reason in this family, rather than the forces which would 'rock the boat'. 

You see, they are both unlikely mine, from the outside looking in. But I would like to think 'their parents' played roles in their growth which molded them to who they are now. I probably screwed up my own journey for peace and love, but I definitely did not screw up trying to be a good mom. And this year, they validated that by their constant patience, love and understanding. It is in the constancy of it all that they are both resolute. 

Yes, they are complicated, they choose, and they are constant. These three words are big. They taught me big words this year. I look to the years to come with all that I have learned from Ana and Aidan. Grateful for them who has shown me how it is to live. So I will go for it in 2016. Yet again.