Misunderstood

Name recall, I assume, is the reason why he knew me even before we were properly introduced. He was asked by a man I work with in the province far north for a favor, I think about a project at first and then, again something in my behalf. I had to know him, otherwise, I would look stupid among our colleagues. For the first couple of years or so, of working 'together' but apart, I only saw his signatures on memos. His name is mentioned time and again by the bosses, too. A face was 'edited' into the name when I first met him in a conference somewhere: a bit heavy at that time, thick, wavy hair that needed to be cut (but of course I did not tell him that then), poloshirt tucked in cream-colored slacks, thick lens in a frame of glasses, speech in soft, low, monotone.

I spoke to him about official stuff here and there. He came to visit,  loved the trip and vowed to come back. He did, together with all officials, when he asked me to host a conference. Plus another, back-to-back. When I learned that another group was arriving for me to take care of, on top of conference, I called him. I asked, 'you said yes to this other meeting, sir? i will kill you!'. Well, yes, that was a little unguarded moment. I was all fired up with this one meeting, so another added to my stress. He said, 'ok lang yan. kaya yan.' 

I guess that in almost all organizations, the efforts put into talking behind people's backs is so up there that if you were absent in a huddle, you can be certain you are one of the topics. Especially so when most do not agree with you, and the way you manage your work. In more than two decades of doing this, I know that I should not worry about the work at all. I know the work, and I can get things done even while I am bundled up in my bed armed only with my ipad. I must worry, however,  about the people I work with. To please all of them, or not to please them? That is the question! 

Oh yes, in this kind of work, you cannot just do your work the way you think it is supposed to be done, because most people believe is not safe to assume that you were appointed based on merit and qualifications. (I am quite sure, however, that we are paid more than the rest in the organization by virtue of our brains and what good it is capable of doing, plus our easy acceptance of the prestige attached to that notion, which is not in all cases, directly proportional to accountability.) Because if you do that and your people are not happy with your decisions, you are a dead man walking. Really crucified. Your own colleagues will tear you apart, into pieces you cannot imagine, go to the ends of the earth and cry foul, taint your character, gossip about your personal life, and report you, anonymously. That's how low some people can go. 

This man told me once that he had always took the position of 'walking away', when things don't sit right with him any longer. I told him I envied him because I am not ready for that. Not at this time. He said it is just how he is. We had conversations longer in messages than in person, but we got to know each other well enough to read each other's minds. I learned so much from this man, that there was a time he was speaking and I was just staring at him, his eyes, and I thought to myself, goodness this is not the man they are talking about, right? There is no question about his intellect, goodness, anyone can sense that he is not dumb. But he is deep, his thoughts are not just cerebral. He comes off as heartless not because he is, but because he needs to be, so that he can do the job. He is kind, not the overly-concerned, hugs-giving kinda guy, but he feels for others. He does not smile often, which prompted everyone to conclude he is a monster, but because of my annoying persistence, I learned he is not a monster at all, and is actually funny. But one had to have brains to get his jokes. He is  a giving person. Just answers his 'why's' properly, and he can be reasonable. He takes time to listen, which makes me wonder why people say he does not. He does not raise his voice, but when he is provoked, his words hit you right where it should so you would feel the pain of your stupidity. Not to humiliate you, but in fact to make you realize in some way that you are not God's gift to government, to remind you that humility is not going to kill you. He tells you when he is impressed by you straight up, no rhetorics. This man has honor and dignity. Not many saw that, or see that now. 

How misunderstood he was then. I wish I would one day have the chance to say that to all those cruel people who used him, whose weights he carried on his shoulders for the longest time because they were relentless. Yet they themselves were the ones who threw the rocks at him at his weakest, not realizing that they have done this to the man whose power they sucked out of him for their own gains. I know pretty well how this viciousness starts, takes its time to stay, and then leave. I, too, have  been in his shoes almost a decade ago. Exactly the same size and shape of shoes, really. But I hold my head high, every single day, even if my soul was ripped apart by those I thought who respected me. Because I know, I tried to do what was right for everyone. Everyone gained from my 'trying' to please everyone. He did try, too. To please everyone. Except that his 'trying' was not good enough. 

At the end of the day, I feel that 'trying' to please everyone was a choice we both made, quite mistakenly. It was in the 'trying' that those around us hit hard, we had to gasp for air. When we stopped 'trying', the blows came all the more, one after the other, that we both just built walls and gave up. I am blessed that I was given a second shot at it by my colleagues now, these kind souls who embraced me with their warmth. I am more than blessed to have met, to have known this man who is now a part of my life as one of the rare types who get where I come from: every word, every phrase, every twitch. I see through him, too, no matter how he detests that fact. Still,  I will continue to reach out my hand in friendship to this man. He is worth all my 'pleasant persistence' with him, to have me in his life.