False Hope

Hope, they say, springs eternal. I believe so. Each minute we live is anchored on the thought that the best is yet to come. At times, however, I cannot help but think that the word is so overused as the other four-letter-word. We throw the word 'hope' like it is a dime a dozen: 'I hope you have a nice day.'; 'I hope for the best.'; 'We hope for your kind consideration.' See?

What has been killing me for the longest time now is the hope that I offered to others, well, because I have always thought of myself as someone who can hold true to a commitment. For instance, my farmers and my staff worked their butts off to prepare project proposals for possible funding with another agency which pledged that these will see the light of day. Our hopes were really high for those, only to be terribly disappointed upon learning that our partner agency is unable to 'deliver'. I walked out of a meeting because of that, my blood pressure rose to high heavens and had to take medication. 

Another case in point: we implemented streamlining in our organization, thought we did the right things, and put people in positions they deserve. These people hung on to the hope that they will be promoted, but then again, we failed to 'deliver'. These people waited for three years or so, for nothing. I cried over that failure, for the people I gave encouragement to. 

Hence, I am instrumental in giving false hope. And even if I hate that I am, all I can do for now is, ironically, hope. (And continue to fight.) It is wretched, this cycle. But it is in this irony that we draw our strength to go on living.