'Walang Katapusang Hagdan'
It's strange. Walking on the steps of the university I went to more than two decades ago. The unending thirty-steps-every-minute stairs from one building to another, up and down, down and up. I walked one stepnat a time with this toe fracture, cursing myself for having been so stupid to slip weeks ago. An aging mother I bumped into said 'walang katapusang hagdan'. That made my day. It was an apt description of Saint Louis University in Baguio City. And of my daughter's journey to a college degree.
Truth to tell and modesty aside, I never doubted Ana. I knew she would finish college without the fears of a mom coming true. For one, she is a responsible girl. Even when she was little, she had this nurturing character abour her. When she was in the first or second grade (am not sure), I went to her school to fetch her. I walked in on her and a classmate, who was crying. She had her water bottle in hand, and was holding it up for her classmate to drink. She was trying to make her feel better. I have always thought that small things, small acts, show a lot about a person's character. It was at that moment I thought to myself, Ana has a good heart.
Her good heart brought her joy many times. And brought her sadness, too. She struggled through high school, she said it was stressful, all the adjustment from elementary. She turned ugly literally, under pressure during those times. But she forged on. She had happy moments, too. She fell in love for the first time, or so she thought. She found friendships which would spill over college. College was a time she really found herself. Aside from the friendships she has with my 'other daughters' (they all call me mommy congresswoman), she had her first serious relationship. She also had her first major heartbreak. As of this blog, she is smiling again. I suppose the broken pieces are whole again.
Whatever she feels with her heart, whether joy or sadness, we all feel with her. She is that infectious. She would break into this cackle, one like a witch's, and all of us would laugh with her. When she cries, or wails in pain, all our hearts break. She is that vulnerable. Oh she would be angry, and there are times so mad that I actually hear myself come out of her mouth. She is a fighter, this girl. While she is kind, generous, helpful, compassionate and simply a happy person, she can be fierce, headstrong and principled. She is no-nonsense. She loves with all her heart, puts her all in anyone or anything she values. And she is the same when she feels strongly against anyone or anything. Throughout, though, she remains collected. She has this air of self-respect about her. She never compromises her dignity, not for anything. At this day and age, to be decent, even for me, is a difficulty when confronted with extremes of joy and sadness.
Up and down, down and up. She navigates her life on her own, with all of us giving her the support she needs as best as we can. Despite the shortcomings we all have as individuals, we make sure that when it comes down to Ana, we focus on doing it right. Simply because Ana gives us all happiness, more than we deserve. More than three decades after, I climb up the stairs of this university which is a part of who I am. Now, it is a part of my daughter's being. I took a deep breath upon reaching the top, where her graduation ceremonies were to take place. As if I needed to fill my lungs with the same air which filled them three decades back, now in my Ana's lungs. I looked up the the tall buildings, as if I needed the pictures to be dusted off in my mind and remember when I was in college at the same university, now to form part of my Ana's mind. Such is the circle of this life we all have.'Walang katapusang hagdan'. And it is absolutely beautiful.
Truth to tell and modesty aside, I never doubted Ana. I knew she would finish college without the fears of a mom coming true. For one, she is a responsible girl. Even when she was little, she had this nurturing character abour her. When she was in the first or second grade (am not sure), I went to her school to fetch her. I walked in on her and a classmate, who was crying. She had her water bottle in hand, and was holding it up for her classmate to drink. She was trying to make her feel better. I have always thought that small things, small acts, show a lot about a person's character. It was at that moment I thought to myself, Ana has a good heart.
Her good heart brought her joy many times. And brought her sadness, too. She struggled through high school, she said it was stressful, all the adjustment from elementary. She turned ugly literally, under pressure during those times. But she forged on. She had happy moments, too. She fell in love for the first time, or so she thought. She found friendships which would spill over college. College was a time she really found herself. Aside from the friendships she has with my 'other daughters' (they all call me mommy congresswoman), she had her first serious relationship. She also had her first major heartbreak. As of this blog, she is smiling again. I suppose the broken pieces are whole again.
Whatever she feels with her heart, whether joy or sadness, we all feel with her. She is that infectious. She would break into this cackle, one like a witch's, and all of us would laugh with her. When she cries, or wails in pain, all our hearts break. She is that vulnerable. Oh she would be angry, and there are times so mad that I actually hear myself come out of her mouth. She is a fighter, this girl. While she is kind, generous, helpful, compassionate and simply a happy person, she can be fierce, headstrong and principled. She is no-nonsense. She loves with all her heart, puts her all in anyone or anything she values. And she is the same when she feels strongly against anyone or anything. Throughout, though, she remains collected. She has this air of self-respect about her. She never compromises her dignity, not for anything. At this day and age, to be decent, even for me, is a difficulty when confronted with extremes of joy and sadness.
Up and down, down and up. She navigates her life on her own, with all of us giving her the support she needs as best as we can. Despite the shortcomings we all have as individuals, we make sure that when it comes down to Ana, we focus on doing it right. Simply because Ana gives us all happiness, more than we deserve. More than three decades after, I climb up the stairs of this university which is a part of who I am. Now, it is a part of my daughter's being. I took a deep breath upon reaching the top, where her graduation ceremonies were to take place. As if I needed to fill my lungs with the same air which filled them three decades back, now in my Ana's lungs. I looked up the the tall buildings, as if I needed the pictures to be dusted off in my mind and remember when I was in college at the same university, now to form part of my Ana's mind. Such is the circle of this life we all have.'Walang katapusang hagdan'. And it is absolutely beautiful.
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