Let's Talk About Me Part 4
I do not recall having forged close ties with my acquaintances at my first job in government. For one, our boss was the real cerebral type. Of course he exerted effort to be friendly towards us but he came off trying-hard that it did not work at all. I will not forget, however, this man who carried me down the stairs from our office at the second floor of one building, when I was hyperventilating in the washroom uncontrollably. A female colleague walked in on me trying to relax my already seizure-stricken body, and she called for help. My man-friend who carried me took me to the nearest hospital where they sedated me. He told me the sweetest thing: 'if I could only carry your burdens for you, I would'. I wanted to hug him, but instead, the Christianne I was then (and now actually, nothing much changed about me), I replied, 'how did you do that? carry me down that flight of stairs when I weighed like a cavan of rice?'. He did not seem to get that I was deflecting him from the incident, and was trying to be funny. I knew then, that he was, and still is, a friend.
Anyway, opportunities do come to our life unexpectedly. And we do not realize they come by way of friendships most often. Papa's friend was appointed to an important post in another government agency and he offered to give me a more stable job. I applied, took the qualifying exams and passed. I was appointed to a position with a salary lower than what I got from the job I had at that time, but the new one was more stable. So I moved. I will forever be thankful to that friend of Papa. Not only for the job, but I guess he did not realize he opened a whole new chapter of my life. I did not realize that too. But having been with the same office for almost twenty-four years, I say with a grateful heart now that this chapter, this phase which began in 1990, is the most tumultuous, colorful, joyous, meaningful time of my life.
We underestimate the power of faith in friendships. We loosely use the word itself. 'Oh she's a friend', we say in the middle of small conversations, when the name of merely an acquaintance is brought up. I don't. I call a friend, a friend. I call those who are not, 'acquaintances'. I don't have 'enemies', I have 'acquaintances who do not like me, and the feeling is mutual'. Friends are those people in your life who: like you enough to spend hours on end in coversations about absolutely nothing; enjoy your 'Mr. Gringe' personality so much they laugh and sneer at you in the same breath; cry with you during 'bipolar' attacks, then calls you over-acting (OA); tolerate your indiscretions and I mean all types of indiscretion; trust you with their secrets, even the most disgusting ones, which you do, too, the other way around; those whom I know do not judge me and my faults but rather see the good in all 'my bad'. Most of all, those I consider as such (that's for me to know and for them to find out, wink-wink), are soulmates. I need not explain myself to them, they simply know what is running through my mind, because, deep in their hearts, whether they know it or now, they see through me.
And so, I still work in this place now, not only because of the opportunities that the friends I have in my workplace afford me, (which are the same truths I hold for my friends outside of my workplace, next blog, please) : the privilege of being one of those dear in their hearts; the tenderness which lies beyond their ridiculously callous mouths; the honor of having their blood run in my veins by just a mere smile, comment, or the Ilocano versions of the four-letter word. I thrive in that. At this point, I am awakened. It is not so much that people you consider important in your life be actually family, or relatives. Sometimes family is overrrated. I would prefer my soulmates anytime.
Anyway, opportunities do come to our life unexpectedly. And we do not realize they come by way of friendships most often. Papa's friend was appointed to an important post in another government agency and he offered to give me a more stable job. I applied, took the qualifying exams and passed. I was appointed to a position with a salary lower than what I got from the job I had at that time, but the new one was more stable. So I moved. I will forever be thankful to that friend of Papa. Not only for the job, but I guess he did not realize he opened a whole new chapter of my life. I did not realize that too. But having been with the same office for almost twenty-four years, I say with a grateful heart now that this chapter, this phase which began in 1990, is the most tumultuous, colorful, joyous, meaningful time of my life.
We underestimate the power of faith in friendships. We loosely use the word itself. 'Oh she's a friend', we say in the middle of small conversations, when the name of merely an acquaintance is brought up. I don't. I call a friend, a friend. I call those who are not, 'acquaintances'. I don't have 'enemies', I have 'acquaintances who do not like me, and the feeling is mutual'. Friends are those people in your life who: like you enough to spend hours on end in coversations about absolutely nothing; enjoy your 'Mr. Gringe' personality so much they laugh and sneer at you in the same breath; cry with you during 'bipolar' attacks, then calls you over-acting (OA); tolerate your indiscretions and I mean all types of indiscretion; trust you with their secrets, even the most disgusting ones, which you do, too, the other way around; those whom I know do not judge me and my faults but rather see the good in all 'my bad'. Most of all, those I consider as such (that's for me to know and for them to find out, wink-wink), are soulmates. I need not explain myself to them, they simply know what is running through my mind, because, deep in their hearts, whether they know it or now, they see through me.
And so, I still work in this place now, not only because of the opportunities that the friends I have in my workplace afford me, (which are the same truths I hold for my friends outside of my workplace, next blog, please) : the privilege of being one of those dear in their hearts; the tenderness which lies beyond their ridiculously callous mouths; the honor of having their blood run in my veins by just a mere smile, comment, or the Ilocano versions of the four-letter word. I thrive in that. At this point, I am awakened. It is not so much that people you consider important in your life be actually family, or relatives. Sometimes family is overrrated. I would prefer my soulmates anytime.
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