'Billboards'

It is not that I criticize more often than I should. I admittedly 'make fun' of other people in private, not to really judge them but to find humor in what seems to be 'off' in people. If I say, for example, that this person sort of resembles a pitbull, I would point that out in the manner I would point out that I look like a rabbit when  I smile because the jackets my dentist put on my poor teeth are larger than the usual size. But if it will make me less than evil, I do that only with friends who can tolerate that about me. 

I thought about that just now as I rest in this bed, my head rested on two pillows propped up, with the   pillowcase smelling like the hotel does not have a dryer, or a supply of fabric conditioner. You see, even the smell of sheets I comment on. I confine myself to stuff superficial, what I see in things and people, when I only wish to laugh. I do not go beyond what I can see, of course. 

It is a different story altogether when you start to speak of substance, not only of form. To have this gift to see through form, to go beyond what is seen, is one of the many I am blessed with. At times I am surprised at how I am validated, these impressions I have, by small incidents here and there. For example, I met this lady for the first time in an office engagement. She is tall, fair, with a beautiful face,  dressed smartly, had an authoritative bearing. She seemed to be a sweet person when you look at her, until she started to speak. I had the feeling she was of some variety of 'b-tch' when I first saw her because she smiles widely, then has a resting 'b-tch' expression on her face, switching from one to another in about one second, from when a camera is about to click to when the the picture-taking is done. I told myself then, she is one of those 'billboard' types. 

We ate lunch together, and expectedly, I was about eighty-percent correct. She spoke non-stop with this smoker's voice, at a rapid pace, in an English diction I could not understand. I was definitely sure her saliva was all over our lunch, though. I did not interact with her more than necessary, lest I wanted more saliva in my lunch. My collague beside me pointed out to her that we needed to be more in touch with our client-farmers (our engagement with her and her firm was about technology transfer), to which she replied, 'Ay, kayang-kaya ko yan, sanay akong makipag-usap sa mga mahihirap!'. Nobody among us said a thing. The silence was so that her words hung over us. I did not know if I wanted to stand up and walk out, or to reach my hand out across the soup and slap her. Of course I knew I could do both, but I did neither. If I did, that would dignify the cheapness she displayed. She continued chewing whatever it was in her mouth, at the same time, talking. 

I look at people's eyes. That's how I read, get impressions, draw my thoughts about a person. In fact, when people evade my eyes when we have interaction, I go to the extent of forcing whole face in front of people. So aside from my propensity to comment on almost all that I see around me, I also have this habit of  searching  for something more. Turns out, I need to ba careful what I look for. Most of the time, I find it.