Being Myself
I really don't get it. When people pretend to have plenty, but actually don't. I find it as the height of hypocrisy, and worse a mind disease, like a delusion of some sort. Of course that's just me. It is ok, I guess for soothing your bruised ego, but transient. After basking in the satisfaction that you have 'showed' others you are rich, or richer in some sense, reality is a cruel tutor. It pulls you back in, and slaps you 360 degress across the face.
There are several reasons I think some people pretend to be rich: one, they need to maintain a certain status in a society; two, they want to be in a certain status in a society; they need to belong in any society. The first set of pretenders are those who are forced to project an aura of wealth, so that they continue to be part of the elite in which they used to belong (read: they were rich but became poor by some misfortune). The second set are those who 'climb the social ladder', meaning they are not actually rich but try to match the life of those already up there (read: when you climb up, that means you are coming from down there somewhere). The third set, desperately seek a spot in a world which they do not exist, in the eyes of those in it (read: hindi ka talaga kasale).
Now that confused me, too, but the differentiation is pointless. I was just trying to rationalize my thoughts, but I do not succeed here. I guess I am just too real, what-you-see-is-what-you-get type of person to my detriment (lots of stories about that). I just believe in honesty, first and foremost to myself. I acknowledge who I am, regardless. I am not rich. I have loans to pay, plenty. I struggle. I make bad decisions. I lack good judgement (read: too trusting). I have days of comfort, and I have days of trouble. I have people who like or love me. I also have people in my life who do not like, love or understand me, and will never do so.
Yet, I am content. I do not seek to belong because I already belong in the hearts of my family and true friends. If I assume that wrongly, then I will accept that, I have to. In the end, my one true thing is simply myself. So I wade through day by day with that. I do not intend to desperately find myself labels, status, positions, by wearing all-branded stuff I cannot afford (unless it is given to me, mohehehe) or by playing golf (one golf club would cost a month's provisions). I don't drop names, because that to me is tantamount to saying, 'I am in ingrown nail of the big toe of whoever'. When we lost almost everything once in our lives (my family), I promised not to lose one thing in the turmoil, myself. When I regained momentum to forge on, 'myself' was non-negotiable. I am still rebuilding constantly, this life, and I have only myself as the anchor. I would like to think I did good (ok, not all the time) , still challenging myself to do so. And the best thing is about all these is, regardless of anything that happens, I do not pretend.
There are several reasons I think some people pretend to be rich: one, they need to maintain a certain status in a society; two, they want to be in a certain status in a society; they need to belong in any society. The first set of pretenders are those who are forced to project an aura of wealth, so that they continue to be part of the elite in which they used to belong (read: they were rich but became poor by some misfortune). The second set are those who 'climb the social ladder', meaning they are not actually rich but try to match the life of those already up there (read: when you climb up, that means you are coming from down there somewhere). The third set, desperately seek a spot in a world which they do not exist, in the eyes of those in it (read: hindi ka talaga kasale).
Now that confused me, too, but the differentiation is pointless. I was just trying to rationalize my thoughts, but I do not succeed here. I guess I am just too real, what-you-see-is-what-you-get type of person to my detriment (lots of stories about that). I just believe in honesty, first and foremost to myself. I acknowledge who I am, regardless. I am not rich. I have loans to pay, plenty. I struggle. I make bad decisions. I lack good judgement (read: too trusting). I have days of comfort, and I have days of trouble. I have people who like or love me. I also have people in my life who do not like, love or understand me, and will never do so.
Yet, I am content. I do not seek to belong because I already belong in the hearts of my family and true friends. If I assume that wrongly, then I will accept that, I have to. In the end, my one true thing is simply myself. So I wade through day by day with that. I do not intend to desperately find myself labels, status, positions, by wearing all-branded stuff I cannot afford (unless it is given to me, mohehehe) or by playing golf (one golf club would cost a month's provisions). I don't drop names, because that to me is tantamount to saying, 'I am in ingrown nail of the big toe of whoever'. When we lost almost everything once in our lives (my family), I promised not to lose one thing in the turmoil, myself. When I regained momentum to forge on, 'myself' was non-negotiable. I am still rebuilding constantly, this life, and I have only myself as the anchor. I would like to think I did good (ok, not all the time) , still challenging myself to do so. And the best thing is about all these is, regardless of anything that happens, I do not pretend.
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