Dealing With Loss and Unkind People: Now That Is 'Toxic'
Now, I think I deserve a bout of depression. Aside from all the funny stuff going around my life (which is actually usual, and I am being stupid and dwelling on each mad detail), a doctor harassed my sister in a way much like an insane person would. A doctor. Her OBGYN, who, after the time we sought her second opinion, gave us a very good impression we decided right there and then that she was the right one to do the procedure on my sister who lost her baby. So the procedure went as planned, done and my sister was ready to move on. After losing the baby, she wanted to go back to normal in any which way she could. Her husband, however, requested that the baby be blessed by the Church. We had to get the baby out of the hospital to do that. I called the medical director of the hospital to inquire about the protocol for such. We have not yet done this in our lives, so...Anyway, my sister worked around the requirements, which included a letter of authority from her OBGYN.
My sister promptly went to her doctor, accompanied by her father-in-law. I got a text message from my other sister to call this doctor right away because something happened. She said, better that I do, rather than her because she was fuming mad and she can get really nasty. Being the voice of reason among us sisters (meaning, I get really angry but I do not turn into a hulk, unlike the two of them), I called my recently-discharged-from-the-hospital sister to ask what was up. In so many words, she rambled on about her doctor saying offending stuff much like she suddenly stepped into the Twilight Zone (cue music, then Alfred Hitchcock).
I remember these from my sister's account: the doctor seemed upset that we called the 'whole hospital staff' about the release of 'the specimen', as she called it. Of course that is acceptable, she is a doctor, and she will refuse to call the 'specimen' a 'baby'. She said my sister was the 'most toxic of all the patients she had in her career'; she said my sister was 'pathetic' for asking for the 'specimen' to be blessed. She went on further to ask the father-in-law if it was a 'cultural' thing for the Chinese (my sister married to a half-Chinese clan) to have the 'specimen' blessed. And, oh, she told my sister that she did not 'want to see her face again' after this.
Now my youngest sister is one crazy woman. She is a feisty one, and would not back off from situations like these. But at that time, she was still in recovery from the miscarriage that she physically did not have the strength to give a decent reply to all these she heard from her doctor. She was perhaps stunned by the coldhearted, straightforward, unreasonable, unacceptable, unethical, indecent behaviour coming from a doctor. Or maybe she was just too tired to think of an answer to all these hurled at her.
So, as any normal person at this day and age, I posted as my status on social media, my sentiments about the events. I got a lot of opinions, and I thank all of those who supported that post. However, I write this just to set the facts straight, well, from our perspective. Just to be clear about it (because I heard that this OBGYN is being theatrical about it in the hospital, like we are the mean ones here).
First off, we called only two people; the hospital medical director, and the lab guy (we do not even know his name) as we just inquired about the protocol for this. Second, my sister who allegedly was 'toxic' at the operating room as her doctor described it, was just fidgety and nervous about the procedure as any normal patient would be, I suppose? It was not like she behaved like a diva in the OR. Third, all we wanted was to get the specimen, period. Whether we wanted the baby cremated, buried, blessed, or not, I think, and this is just me, is none of this doctor's business. Lastly, I called the doctor to confront her, she did not take my call at first. She returned it after I sent a message saying I was giving her the coustesy of a call before reporting her to the proper authorities. She apologized. She sent a text message to my sister, too, and said she was sorry.
I just wonder why my sister's doctor reacted to the situation the way she did. What the? I mean, she is my sister's doctor. At the very least, she should have just supported our request, because she was paid for her services. Sige na, kahit hindi na yung pagka-doctor. Yun na lang pagiging tao. What kind of person, moreso, a woman, would be so unsympathetic with another who lost a child? Is it too much to ask for a little kindness somewhere? Aren't we the ones who are supposed to be theatrical here? I don't get it, really. Up to now days after, I sense the bad taste in my mouth left by all that happened. Dear God.
My sister promptly went to her doctor, accompanied by her father-in-law. I got a text message from my other sister to call this doctor right away because something happened. She said, better that I do, rather than her because she was fuming mad and she can get really nasty. Being the voice of reason among us sisters (meaning, I get really angry but I do not turn into a hulk, unlike the two of them), I called my recently-discharged-from-the-hospital sister to ask what was up. In so many words, she rambled on about her doctor saying offending stuff much like she suddenly stepped into the Twilight Zone (cue music, then Alfred Hitchcock).
I remember these from my sister's account: the doctor seemed upset that we called the 'whole hospital staff' about the release of 'the specimen', as she called it. Of course that is acceptable, she is a doctor, and she will refuse to call the 'specimen' a 'baby'. She said my sister was the 'most toxic of all the patients she had in her career'; she said my sister was 'pathetic' for asking for the 'specimen' to be blessed. She went on further to ask the father-in-law if it was a 'cultural' thing for the Chinese (my sister married to a half-Chinese clan) to have the 'specimen' blessed. And, oh, she told my sister that she did not 'want to see her face again' after this.
Now my youngest sister is one crazy woman. She is a feisty one, and would not back off from situations like these. But at that time, she was still in recovery from the miscarriage that she physically did not have the strength to give a decent reply to all these she heard from her doctor. She was perhaps stunned by the coldhearted, straightforward, unreasonable, unacceptable, unethical, indecent behaviour coming from a doctor. Or maybe she was just too tired to think of an answer to all these hurled at her.
So, as any normal person at this day and age, I posted as my status on social media, my sentiments about the events. I got a lot of opinions, and I thank all of those who supported that post. However, I write this just to set the facts straight, well, from our perspective. Just to be clear about it (because I heard that this OBGYN is being theatrical about it in the hospital, like we are the mean ones here).
First off, we called only two people; the hospital medical director, and the lab guy (we do not even know his name) as we just inquired about the protocol for this. Second, my sister who allegedly was 'toxic' at the operating room as her doctor described it, was just fidgety and nervous about the procedure as any normal patient would be, I suppose? It was not like she behaved like a diva in the OR. Third, all we wanted was to get the specimen, period. Whether we wanted the baby cremated, buried, blessed, or not, I think, and this is just me, is none of this doctor's business. Lastly, I called the doctor to confront her, she did not take my call at first. She returned it after I sent a message saying I was giving her the coustesy of a call before reporting her to the proper authorities. She apologized. She sent a text message to my sister, too, and said she was sorry.
I just wonder why my sister's doctor reacted to the situation the way she did. What the? I mean, she is my sister's doctor. At the very least, she should have just supported our request, because she was paid for her services. Sige na, kahit hindi na yung pagka-doctor. Yun na lang pagiging tao. What kind of person, moreso, a woman, would be so unsympathetic with another who lost a child? Is it too much to ask for a little kindness somewhere? Aren't we the ones who are supposed to be theatrical here? I don't get it, really. Up to now days after, I sense the bad taste in my mouth left by all that happened. Dear God.
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