25

So Ana has typhoid. Yes, anak, I need to say that. We were in the ER for a couple of hours to get an IV in and have antibiotics drip. She seemed normal, still baked cookies, made a salad before the tests. Even after the treatment at the ER, in bed already to rest, we both fought the urge to eat but we lost. She ate voraciously.

We realized it was only her second time to be in a hospital. The first time she was confined, she has dengue at two years old. After almost twenty years, she gets diagnosed with something major. Oh she has allergies, mild asthma attacks, cough and colds, every now and then. But this time she had persistent headache for a week, it was time for tests.

I am writing about this because both my kids are so full of energy, they think they can 'rule the world' in a day. Unlike me. I have sniffles at the slightest whiff of dust, I get sinusitis with the smell of chemical air fresheners, I get colds just by being under a slight drizzle. I am trying to recall times when I was younger, and was able to do all things I need to, all at the same time. I miss those days.

I guess I am unable to do stuff like when I was younger because I am now 25 kilos overweight. That has led to so grossly-up-there numbers in my blood test results. Not to mention fractures I had in my toes as I took missteps from a landing only about an inch thick. So I am trying so hard to lose weight these days.

I now understand how the people who are bullied and taunted about their weight, feel. This is a time when jokes about my weight does not sound funny anymore, but rings of insult and rejection. I don't know. Maybe I am just sensitive. Or maybe I want to go back in the days where I can be like my kids and how they can multi-task and have a good time anyway. But I am resolved to lose them excess kilos. Not only for my looks, but for my sense of well-being.