Crisis

The last two days were stressful and hectic, well more than the usual. I should stop complaining after more than two decades of this job.  I am not, actually. I am being insightful. Yes, that's the word I choose to use, when in fact I know deep inside me I am complaining, I am whining, and I am disturbed.

So almost always, I say, I can measure the truth in a person's character when in crisis. The way people react when burdened, pushed against the wall, exacted accountability from. In trying times, I see the hundred ways how people are taking it all in:  the eyes move in all directions except straight;  the eyelids battle the tears threatening to fall;  the fake smiles appear in cosmetic fashion;  the lips purse downwards;  the hands grope at the nearest drop of sweat;  my smokes disappear as suddenly one of my colleagues decided to be a chain-smoker;  mouths curl in resigned grins; dimples show in amusement;  quiet and calm displayed by some in an effort to diffuse tension;  high-pitched tones in discussion subdued by happy pills. 

Through it all, I see them, and from where I am standing, I see 'me'. I wonder if they know I am looking through them. I am definitely sure some of them play mind games with me. I know. How, I cannot explain. Perhaps it is the years of experience afforded to me by life. Up and down, and down and up. I met people along those ways, I walked tall, then I crawled, through the grass growing taller each year of struggle, as if the ground would eat me alive. Or maybe I am simply from Nutsville. But I can tell. From both perspectives, theirs and mine, when the going gets tough, like in the wilds, we save ourselves first. 

Nothing abnormal about that, we have heard the phrases 'survival of the fittest' and what-not. It is just the way we animals are. I cannot even say whether it is right or wrong. Survival in this  world does not draw that line between them. What bothers me, however, is that as we claw our way out of our possible graves, we forget our responsibility for others. I believe that we are different from say, a congress of gorillas (now I do not mean any disrespect, look it up, it is called that among them, like 'schools of fish'), such that our humanity is based on our responsibility to others. Our compassion. Our ability to temper our aggression to rise above hardships with intellect, decency and respect not only for ourselves, but for others. Our wisdom to compromise, to take cognizance of the possibility that there must be a middle-ground somewhere such that all of us can peacefully co-exist. 

I wish that I would be gifted with resolve to take things in, at the height of crisis after crisis, with humanity. I pray that I be blessed with the strength to journey through it. I lift that to the Supreme Being, too, for others. Because, my goodness, if the people in crisis, with me included, the past days would be multiplied by the nth? Unimaginable.