Authenticity

I recall the conversation, in the words of Jack Nicholson in 'A Few Good Men', crystal. This colleague told me, '...what is practical is not allowed...'; and '...the truth will not save you...'.   I was telling her the truth, about certain things, in the hope that she would understand where I was coming from, because she was, well, told the truth. It was not the ugly truth, it was simply just that, the truth: the kind which is supposed to make others  see the wisdom in my decisions, the kind which is supposed to make them say, 'oh. ok then. it is not disastruous, after all.'  Yet she uttered those two phrases I will not easily forget. Unless I will be diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers. 

I read this post suggesting that one of the presidential candidates be more 'authentic', so that he would be more 'credible' or 'identifiable' with the masses. The writer further said, to fire the public relations people of this candidate, their 'marketing' simply is not working. I did not think, until now, that I, for example ran for public office, had to hire other people to make me be 'authentic'. Doesn't the word itself mean that I do not need image-makers or whatever the hell you call them, but mean that I should just be myself?  The writer probably got confused. 

Clearly, the writer has never held any public post. A quarter of a century after, here I am, still the same person from when I started, (except that I have doubled my weight, and changed my teeth) yet, I learned the freaking hard way that there are limits to authenticity when you are in the public service. That's right. You simply cannot 'just be yourself', in this sad but oh-so-fulfilling business of public service. A case in point: when I was asked by a panel of interviewers what I thought was my measure of success, I immediately replied: 'one life changed'. There was a long 'cricket-cricket' moment after my reply, and I was absolutely sure they were not impressed. Maybe if I threw our more technical terms like 'increased productivity and income' or 'sustained development', I would have gotten more approving looks. The executives who were in the panel proceeded to look at me weird, as if waiting for me to say more. I did not. That's just my 'authentic' answer. Or another case: when I was to have an interview with an Undersecretary for an application, again, I was told by a colleague, 'please do not wear your FitFlops'. I asked, 'why? i am comfortable most wearing them, and, and, and, they're expensive, five thousand pesos!...'.  He simply said, 'that is not the way a director applies for a job.'  Oh. He was right. Even if I put back the price tag on my FitFlops, I probably would not be seated at the Office of the Undersecretary. So I bought  a pair of flats, closed-toe, for the interview at three hundred pesos. 

And this is just the tip of the iceberg here, so to speak. Understandably, the public is struck by novelty, you know, when someone comes along who is entirely different from all of the rest, read: too comfortable with vulgarity, immorality, violence, and all that stuff, we smile, in fact laugh and applaud the whole concept. Yes, it is not the person we gush over, it is the 'concept'.  Oh, one applauded for a while, for taking all the risks one stupidly takes for the wrong reasons (and undeserving people, more importantly) until one is made to be accountable for these risks. Then the destruction begins. And more. Those who applauded suddenly claim their own versions of sainthood and martyrdom, so opposite the concept they applauded themselves. Yeah, right. But he was only being 'authentic', people, right? 

So, to those who think that the more authentic a public official is, the better for this country? Goodness, you better think again. The dynamics of this society in which we all live, the systems the law, and I underscore, the law, has in place, will simply not be fit for anyone who is authentic in public service. From where you are, the outside looking in, everything looks like a walk in the park. From where we are, in government, it is one foot in this snakepit we all created and seem to be evolving to a more cruel and unstoppable kind. So pardon me for withdrawing my authenticity. It is the only way I can fight for my place in this snakepit, for the privilege to serve. It is probably a good idea to try being in our places.