'Change Is Loss'

 It is not a surprise that one becomes emotional about change. I am that way all the time: I see change in the face and I see the 'loss' of moments when I  could have been kinder, a better person. Two stories in my life the past couple of days, one painful, the other joyful, made me take a good look of my life, in rewind.  A colleague passed yesterday, a victim of a vehicular accident. I rushed to the hospital to check on him, to find out from his wife (who is also a colleague) that the prognosis was not good at all. I could not say anything proper to his wife, I just held her tight and told her to be strong for her children. She kept saying 'hindi ko kaya', repeatedly. But I told her, 'kayanin mo', which I know is easier said than done. I assured her she had a family in DAR, and that we will hold her hand through all of it, whatever we could do to ease the burden. I did not want to cry, even if I wanted to. Ninoy, our colleague who passed on, was someone I grew up with in DAR. I left the hospital again reassuring his wife we will help in any way we can, walked through the hallway to the elevator, and before getting in, wailed by one corner of a wall somewhere. I could not hold it any longer. 

Today, we turned over a road project for our farmers in this upland area five hours away from Vigan City. After two years, finally, the project was done. We all had a reason to celebrate: my colleagues made this happen, visiting the area every so often to monitor its implementation. It was a difficult road to construct: the area was remote, located along the boundaries of Ilocos Sur, Abra and Benguet, and the terrain was hell for any contractor. It was hilly, the land on which the road was to be constructed hardened by large rocks and stones.  Our boss, Sec. Gil told the town mayor, he did not realize there were areas as such in the province. He has always thought of Ilocos Sur as a province with a flat terrain. He looked content and glad, though, never mind the almost one-day travel from Manila by air and land. It has always been about being in areas we serve that are not often reached by  a Cabinet Secretary, for him. In Quirino, history was made today as they were visited for the first time by a Cabinet Secretary. I guess it is also a bit sentimental for Sec. Gil, as we are about to transition to a new administration, a new cabinet. 

'Transitioning', not in the meaning of Caitlyn Jenner, is a journey we all must take in baby steps, one day at a time. To begin again, is painful and difficult, expecially so when one loses someone dear by death so sudden. To move on from one chapter to another is sad and challenging, but one must simply move on. There is no other way, unless we give up, and stop living. 

I think of Ninoy now, and I wished I would have talked to him more often. I looked at Sec. Gil today, while he was speaking to the crowd which gathered to welcome him, and told myself, I should have spoken to him more, learned more. For the most part, regrets will pull us down in the journey to another beginning. Which is why I wish I could have God's grace to live each day as if it were the last. I do not want to be pulled down to desolation by regrets, but rather be uplifted in spirit, to be a simply good person each day.