Jaded

These days, it is getting more and more difficult to smoke just anywhere, I think there will come a day smokers will be pushed off the edge of the earth (I am pretending no one discovered the earth is actually round to stress my point) to rid of the second-hand smoke. So I am always in the moment when I have a stick, not only because of the satisfaction of it but more for the interesting stuff that comes with getting stuck with friends and non-friends in a designated smoking area. I met Mr. Good-Looking this morning as I chanced upon him in the smoking area of the hotel we are at. I sat on the empty chair by his table and introduced myself. Small talk ensued. And really, we overrated him the day before. Moving on.

I learn new stuff each time I go to any designated smoking area, aside from the fact that I should stop smoking (?). I have conversations. That, I like best. Most times, the small talk among friends and colleagues remain just that, 'small talk'. There are times, however, that we engage in more serious exchanges. In which I usually speak English. When I am in the mood to stress my opinion on some matters, I 'speak in tongues'. Joke. The English comes out of my mouth so fast, my brain can barely keep up. I was once described as 'inglisera kuno', which was meant to be an insult. I liked the phrase so much, I turned it into my name in my social media accounts. 

Anyway, I was asked earlier today by a colleague while on a nicotine break, what I thought about the past couple of days. I am in conference, and we listened to members of this department's outgoing management team say their piece on the transition to a new administration. Representatives of each sector presented. One was on-the-mark, directly presented what has been done and what is yet to be done, and which must be given immediate attention. Two other speakers spoke of the sector's track record, how all its efforts made an impact on our constituents, emphasizing that we must build on what worked well in the past, to ensure looking to a future with sustained gains. Another speaker tiptoed around the learnings in all sectors, in ways one would not really understand at face value, and needed further discernment. That is, if you really want to know the real score. If you are a fan of half-truths, then it is either you will be confused or offended.

Listening is difficult. Especially when you are used to doing all the talking. Regardless, it would be valuable to give time and think about what we heard the past two days and be able to clearly draw the line between what-is and what-is-not-exactly-true. From the perspective of someone who works in the field and is direct interaction with implementors of the agrarian reform within and without, it is either I take the truth for what it is, or continue to gloat and  bask in any supposed 'glory' of what I have not actually achieved. I know what exactly I have done, and these are not all achievements. Some were blunders.  I have always been a fan of raw and bare realities there are, because my recognition of that enables me to know what I need to do next. Aside from that, I have learned that experience is a cruel teacher.  Having that in mind, there is no point, really, in taking all that were pointed out the last two days, like these were attacks to our persons. For one thing, we all chose to stay despite having been given the chance to move on to retirement. Nobody forced us. When we resent what we hear, it will not only disturb thought processes, it will veer us away from doing what ought to be done. Embrace both the beautiful truth and the ugly reality, to be able to do that, speaks of strength of character. 

So that's how I replied, in not exactly the same words, when asked by a colleague about the last two days, while in the smoking area. He probably regrets now for having asked.